


Banging a God, Theology, and All That Other Shit

by totallycheesey



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Smut, also thor and peter are both bottoms so just jot that shit right down, anyways i wrote something that's not sad for one so please appreciate it! thanks!, blowjob, thorquill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:28:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallycheesey/pseuds/totallycheesey
Summary: And rather than let the conversation die there, as it likely should have, Peter said, “I genuinely can’t imagine having sex with you if you call a dick a penis.”Quick as lightning, Thor responded, “Why would you think about having sex with me at all?”





	Banging a God, Theology, and All That Other Shit

            “If I must be accompanied… You, come with me to fetch my new weapon,” Thor said, gesturing for Peter to follow him aboard the escape pod. Rocket crossed his arms, and Thor added, “The captain must remain to commandeer this ship and confront Thanos. That is why I have chosen the weakest of your crew to escort me.”

            Drax laughed explosively and clapped Peter on the shoulder. “Did you hear? He called you _weak_ , Peter.” Mantis giggled. Rocket clapped. Even Gamora seemed to struggle maintaining her composure. Peter’s face flushed red. He thought about trying his modified deep voice again to try to regain some respect, but, truly, he knew there was no recovering.

            So Peter sighed and said, “Alright. Good luck facing the big purple dude, guys.” He met Gamora’s eyes. His best friend. She had pulled from looking amused to looking troubled at the mention of her stand-in father. Peter said, “I’ll see you again.” She didn’t answer. He said, “I will,” then turned to follow Thor away from his crew.

 

 

            “What’s the deal with calling me weak, man? Trying to assert your dominance in front of my crew? That’s pretty screwed up, scamp,” Peter said annoyedly, typing coordinates into the console before him. The main ship had already jumped away in the opposite direction, and Peter felt a pang of longing rise in his chest. _There’s no way this Thanos guy could be_ that _bad._ But Gamora’s look spoke more than her voice. Very few things could make her appear nervous, and as he left, she looked downright scared. Steadying himself, he called, “Thor? I’m talking to you, man!”

            From the back of the pod, Thor answered, “I did not intend to emasculate you. But you appear the most human of your crew, and therefore the weakest physically.”

            “There are strong humans! What about, uh-” he punched in the directions and the pod took off, “Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

            “I do not know of this man.”

            Peter swiveled his seat around, back to the stars. “ _The Terminator_? Conan? Dude from _Predator_?” There was no recognition in Thor’s face. “Good God,” Peter mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

            Thor beamed. “Yes, I am!”

            “You’re a what?” Peter dropped his hand and squinted.

            “A good god!”

            “Fuck’s sake…” Peter slouched back. _I’m gonna lose my shit before this dude gets his gun or whatever._ He swiveled back to face the dashboard, pretending to steer the autopilot-driven pod.

 

 

            Around an hour passed before Peter dared to glance back at his suspiciously silent passenger. Thor was sitting by the porthole, galaxy swiveling dizzily around him. His face was in his hands. Peter wondered if he was sleeping before hearing a quiet sniffle.

            Peter groaned internally. It wasn’t his problem and he shouldn’t have to deal with it. But after a couple minutes of sniffling, he cleared his throat and asked, “What’s up, man?”, facing away from the scene out of awkwardness and the tiniest hint of pity.

            “I believe my brother to be truly dead this time.”

            _This guy just gets weirder and weirder._ “This time?”

            “Yes. Similar has happened before, but this time it feels different.” Thor sniffled loudly, and, from the sound of shoes hitting floor, got to his feet. Peter heard him sit in the passenger seat beside him and stared forward with a higher intensity. Peter couldn’t watch other people cry. It made him uncomfortable and sad.

            “Why did you come up here?” Peter asked, instantly regretting the question. He felt insensitive. He bit his lip.

            “I didn’t want to be alone.” A pause. “Should I leave?”

            Peter sighed and turned away from the windshield. His eyes met Thor’s, soft and haunted as a lost ocean, framed by the ruggedness of a wartorn yet beautiful face, eyepatch reflecting starlight. _Pirate-angel,_ Peter remembered. _A literal god._

            He had to glance away from the intensity of Thor’s eye for a second to collect his thoughts. “No, you can stay,” Peter allowed, watching the breath push Thor’s chest inward and out. _Gods breathe. Is that fucked up or better than all the testaments?_ The movement fascinated him. _Just like me. Just like me._

Thor was still watching him. His gaze burned. “You said that you lost your family too. So we are both relics of the dead, yes?”

            Peter swallowed, lifted his head and nodded.

            “Then you understand.”

            “Of course.” Peter traced the rivers of veins down from Thor’s neck to his arms to his hands. _And he bleeds like me?_ Peter looked at his own hands. _Are we all just bitterly human in this universe?_ He looked back to Thor. “Sorry I keep staring at you. The implications of gods existing is…a lot. I grew up in Missouri.”

            Thor nodded. “It is hard to accept larger beings than ourselves, which is why Thanos must be stopped.”

            Peter suddenly understood Gamora’s expression. “So he’s bigger than any god.”

            “The biggest I’ve seen.” His words were grave. His posture was severe. His face was stormy.

            Still, Peter (being Peter) smirked and threw a hand over his mouth. _Jesus, he’s out of touch! This’ll be fun._ “The biggest you’ve seen?” Peter managed before the laughter escaped his throat.

            “Yes, he is absolutely massive and extremely purple. What are you laughing about? Thanos is a destroyer of worlds. Has the green woman not warned you of his power?”

            “No, man, it’s not about that,” Peter said, laughing again, wiping the tears from his eyes. He forced his breathing back from gasps to short to regular and deep. Although he managed to restrain himself, Peter couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face. “It’s the way you said it. It sounded inappropriate.”

            In a manner that was highly calculated, Thor rolled his eyes. Peter wondered who he’d picked _that_ up from, being such an unnatural, modern change from the serious nature of the god’s face. Thor said, “I assume this is a penis joke. You earthlings are all the same.” Before Peter could respond, Thor added, “But if you explain this joke to me, perhaps I can laugh with you.”

            Normally, Peter would refuse such an absurd request. But to explain a dick joke to a god? Priceless. So he said, “You said that Thanos is biggest you’ve seen, and it sounded like you meant his dick is the biggest you’ve seen, like you’re the cock connoisseur. Then you added in the part about him being massive and purple and it got even funnier.” Peter cocked his head. “But now that I said it out loud, it seems like I’m just immature.”

            “Cock and dick both mean penis?”

            Peter blinked. “Yeah, man. Wow. Yeah, they do. How long have you been away from Earth?”

            Thor rolled his eyes again. _Cute._

            Peter blushed at the thought. _Oh, geez. Really? This guy?_ Peter ran through Thor’s massive list of attractive qualities. _Okay, nevermind. Makes sense._

            And rather than let the conversation die there, as it likely should have, Peter said, “I genuinely can’t imagine having sex with you if you call a dick a penis.”

            Quick as lightning, Thor responded, “Why would you think about having sex with me at all?”

            Peter swallowed thickly. He had underestimated a god. A literal god. The hole was as deep as they come. He frantically scrambled for something to say, anything. His hands clenched into the armrests of his seat. He laughed nervously. _Is honesty a viable option?_ “You’re a god,” he said lamely. “An…attractive god. That means a lot to humans.”

            “No, not most humans,” Thor corrected, smiling slightly. “Right now, just yourself.”

 _Thor got GAME?_ Peter was horrified. One-upped in his own pod? One-upped in matters pertaining to _sex_? This was unprecedented, and the territory he had entered was decidedly dangerous. He swallowed again. There was far too much spit in his mouth. He held Thor’s gaze carefully. “You’re enjoying this,” he realized.

            “Perhaps.” Peter felt Thor’s eyes wash over his body and had to resist the urge to swallow once more. “You are quite entertaining when nervous and aroused.”

            “ _Aroused?_ ” Peter nearly squeaked. He cleared his throat. “You’re ridiculous.”

            “There is no need to be embarrassed. I am flattered, really,” Thor said, and Peter caught himself rolling his eyes with the same melodramatic flair that Thor was prone to.

            In desperate need to gain some sort of footing, Peter said, “Being attractive doesn’t make you hot shit in bed. That takes experience.” He forced himself to smile cockily, even with his back to the theoretical wall.

            “I have been alive for thousands of years.” Thor’s slight grin remained, somehow even more loaded than his words. “I have had thousands of men and women alike. Thousands of those in-between, and outside. Thousands of everyone.” He leaned forward from his seat, elbows on his knees. There was a foot or so between them, and Peter didn’t know if he thought the distance was too close or too far. “What’s your boast? A mere hundred? Maybe even two hundred? Impressive for a human, but a god? You know nothing.”

           Challenge flared through Peter’s system, overriding his common sense. “You’ve never been with me,” he said, leaning forward to mirror Thor’s position. He parted his knees and watched as Thor’s eyes glanced down at his crotch quickly, then back up to Peter’s face. It made him feel giddy. “You don’t know what makes me tick. You probably can’t even make me cum.”

           By the suddenly serious look on Thor’s face, Peter knew he had fucked up worse than ever before. He quickly added, “ _Probably_ is a pretty elastic ter-” but Thor had grabbed Peter’s wrists and yanked him forward and losing his balance on his seat, Peter nearly fell into Thor, his knees hitting the ground in front of Thor’s seat, between Thor’s suddenly spread legs, and Thor was letting go of Peter’s arms and putting a hand to the nape of Peter’s neck to guide their lips together, and it was tasting the _everyone_ of Thor’s experience, the movement of Thor’s mouth against Peter’s so vibrant and soft that he nearly moaned aloud, warm, gentle, but urgent, the color of some other dimension, some strength and age in existence that Peter could hardly contemplate without feeling small and overwhelmed with sensation.

          Thor opened his mouth and Peter leapt at the chance to push his tongue in and feel around, playing around Thor’s tongue like an instrument, tilting his head back so Thor would meet him in the middle, his hands, which were useless in shock at his sides, coming to push Thor’s knees open further as the two parted for air.

          Without hesitation, Peter tugged at Thor’s pants, which Thor quickly helped in easing down his body until they rested midway down his thighs. No underwear. Peter looked up at Thor from the ground dazedly and said, “Are you kinky or is the armor too constricting for underwear?”

          “You talk too much,” Thor murmured, moving his hand from the back of Peter’s neck to the top of his head, threading into the hair softly. “Are you ready?”

            “Gag me, baby!” Peter laughed, but his mouth was quickly filled with Thor, all of him rushing over his tongue and deep into his throat, and yes, it gagged him, strongly, but Peter relaxed around Thor and slowly drew him in by sucking lightly with his lips, licking tenderly at the underside of Thor’s cock, and when he was confident in his grounds, slapped Thor’s ass and pulled his hips snug to his face, working Thor with his mouth in such a deliciously wet, fast way that Thor shivered, and Peter felt giddy with it, knowing he could do this to a _god_ , could bring such a fantastic being, _a fucking pirate-angel_ , to such pleasure. He could feel Thor hardening in his throat, and the sensation made Peter’s own pants tighten.

            In a surprisingly reluctant way, Thor eased Peter off his cock. “I would prefer you in other ways,” he explained, panting and red, and Peter was both satisfied with his work and annoyed that Thor was capable of remaining in such a state with unbroken dignity.

            But Peter was accepting of Thor’s words. In fact, he was ravenous for them. He stood, kicked off his left shoe, and bent to pull out the emergency lube and condom stash that he stored between the sole and rubber bottom of the boot.

            Thor raised an eyebrow at Peter’s outstretched hand before responding, “I understand the sheath, but not the tube.”

            Peter couldn’t help but laugh. “Sheath? As in _condom_?” He threw a cheeky grin. “So that makes me a swordswallower.” He pointed at the lube. “That’s so you don’t hurt me. Gods don’t lube up?”

            “Asgardians are naturally wet. I did not know humans needed such assistance with matters such as sex.” He took the condom and lube into his hand. “But do not fear. I vow not to harm you.”

            “That’s, um, very gentlemanly, but would you kindly fuck the goddamn mess out of me?” Peter asked, eyes racing between Thor’s cock and his still-red face. He began unfastening his belt, then pushed his pants and underwear down without ceremony.

            Thor nodded and tore into the condom’s wrapper, rolling it on efficiently. He contemplated the lube for a moment before squeezing a generous helping onto his cock and swirling it around with his hand for maximum coverage. He offered Peter the tube. “I presume you would like some also?”

            Peter squeezed it onto his fingers and tossed the tube away, quickly bending back onto his knees on the ground to work a finger into himself. Thor, who had been holding the wrapping for the condom in his unslickened hand, observed where the tube had bounced and tossed the wrapper in the same direction before focusing on Peter, already sliding in a second finger, gasping, then forcing a third because he wanted Thor _now_.

            “So,” he managed between pants and the sliding sound of his ass fucking around his own hand, “Are you usually on top? It seems natural for you.”

            “No. Typically, I prefer to take a man within me.” Thor sat forward, with his elbows on his knees as he had earlier, face only a couple inches from Peter’s. “But you seem like you need to be put in place.” His breath played across Peter’s face. Peter moaned. Thor took his face into his hand, the lube feeling out of place but deliciously gross on Peter’s face. “Look at you. You’re falling apart before you even take my…cock.”

            Peter bit his lip and lunged forward to meet Thor’s lips. There was hardly a second of contact before Peter was standing, throwing a leg over one of the arms of Thor’s seat, and sitting, pushing himself onto Thor’s cock, Thor’s dry hand placing itself on the small of Peter’s back while the lubed one worked two fingers into Peter’s mouth, Peter sucking aggressively on the synthetic taste, his ass barely hurting at all before he was fully seated on Thor’s lap, looking down at Thor’s face, his open mouth, his silent gasp. Using the back of the seat, Peter pulled himself up, and lowered himself, still careful, drawing Thor into himself, so warm and full and _there_ that Peter couldn’t help but cry out around the fingers before picking himself up and slamming down, and they were both moaning loudly, the friction picking up between their exposed and rubbing thighs to the point it nearly hurt, the tendons in Peter’s legs firing like pistons, Peter himself so gone that his eyes were drawn to the back of his head as his completion approached, like wind, a storm, and he was thinking _holy shit I wish “Stormbringer” was playing right now because that would be so fucking sexy and awesome_ when he came hard, spilling across Thor’s chest armor, and Thor whimpered at the sight, and Peter could feel him straining and suddenly relaxing inside him, and everything was deep and wonderful, they were lulling each other with their softening motions, the sound of the ship pushing them through space and time was so loud and then quiet and then again imperceptible, and Peter pulled himself off Thor wetly to replace his underwear and pants. He heard Thor shuffling behind him to do the same.

            Peter said, “I can’t believe I hated you when we found you.”

            Thor said, “Most humans believe they would love a god if presented one. But there tends to be fear, unacceptance, and hate should it actually occur.” He finished fixing his pants and sat back in his seat. He sniffed the hand that was still covered with lube. “But I am glad you are one of the few that looked harder.”

            “Maybe it’s just ‘cause you’re hot,” Peter answered, but felt in himself the contentedness that had grown in place of his previous spite. Knowing there was something stronger than himself, and he had abated it. It was more than peace-inducing. It was pride-inducing. “We should do this again sometime.”

            “Perhaps,” Thor said, looking to the stars. “There are far more horrible things than you can imagine ahead. But this was good. I liked this part.”

**Author's Note:**

> What? Me, writing a not-so-sad fic? Fucking INCREDIBLE. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the smut. I really just needed Peter to get his ass handed to him after the bullshit he pulled during the movie.


End file.
